Parshat Toldos - Honoring Your Parents
by Rabbi Lobel

Isaac intended to bless his son, Esau. Isaac tells his son (27:2-5), "behold, I have reached old age and do not know the day of my death. Now, sharpen your hunting utensils, your sword, your bow, and go out to the field and hunt. Then make delicacies for me such as I love and bring them to me so I may eat, so that my soul may bless you before I die".

Rebecca overhears the conversation, tells Jacob, and advises him to bring two young goats from her personal flock. Then Rebecca prepares the delicacies the way Isaac loves them. She tells Jacob to bring the delicacies to Isaac so that he may bless Jacob in place of his brother, Esau. Even though Isaac's vision was weak and he would not have recognized Jacob, still Jacob was worried, and said "my brother is a hairy man and I'm a smooth skinned man; perhaps my father will touch me and I will be a mockery. I will thus bring upon myself a curse and not a blessing" (verse 27:11-12). To combat this, (verse 27:15-16) "Rebecca took the clothing of Esau, her eldest son, his clean garments, which were with her in the house, and placed them on Jacob, her younger son. And with the skins of the goats she clothed his arms and smooth neck."

The Midrash Rabba (Bereishis 65: 16) comments on the verse "Rebecca took the clothing of Esau. his clean garments". Why the special reference to clean garments? The Medrash relates that that these garments were actually inherited by Esau from Nimrod. The Maharzu, a commentary on the Medrash, explains that Nimrod received these garments from Cham, Noah's son, Noah received them from Adam, and Adam received them from G-d, after sinning with the Eitz Hadaas (the tree of knowledge). The Medrash continues that Esau would serve and honor his father dressed in these special clothes. These garments were fit to serve a king, received from the King of Kings, G-d himself. Reb Shimon the son of Gamliel comments in the Medrash "all my days I served my father, however, I did not honor him even one one-hundredth of a percent as well as Esau would honor his father, Isaac. I, (Reb Shimon) when honoring my father would serve him in plain clothes and, when I was finished and left to my ways, I would dress in fine clothing. Not so with Esau; he would serve his father in the finest of garments, garments fit to honor a king."

Reb Shimon is showing us the tremendous dedication Esau had in honoring Isaac. The devotion to his father is exemplary and is seen in every facet and form. This, Reb Shimon admired to the utmost degree. But why didn't Reb Shimon just dress in his finest to honor his father, and, by doing so, achieve the same dedication as Esau? There appears to be a great lesson that Reb Shimon is teaching us, much more than striving to honor parents to the Nth degree, or all those deserving of proper respect. It seems that when performing a mitzvah (good deed) one's physical actions have to be in line with his inner feelings. Of course, it's easy to dress in your finest, to honor you parents, but the question is, do your inner feelings feel it is important to do so, or can you just as well do the deed with plain clothing? Reb Shimon knew this within himself; he understood that his true feelings were that one could honor parents on a daily basis in a simpler fashion. One doesn't need extravagance to perform the mitzvah. Esau, on the other hand, felt completely, within his deepest understandings, that not wearing the proper clothes would be a serious lack of dedication towards honoring his father, Isaac.

It wasn't just a physical difference between Esau and Reb Shimon on how they honored their parents. It was a true emotional inner feeling that was the root of the difference. And furthermore, Reb Shimon would not dress elegantly, as it would not be in line with his actual feelings. Rather, had he dressed in his finest, it might create a fraudulent deficiency betweens Reb Shimon's physical actions and his actual feelings.

Not following the lesson we learn from Reb Shimon can causes imbalance, inconsistency, and loss of inspiration in one's physical actions. It is vital to be in touch with our true feelings so that we act consistently with our emotions. From here, we may take strides to grow spiritually and strive to feel properly just as we strive to act properly.